Finalizing a SHIELD ordered divorce
by Lady Jayde Une
Summary: ::Philinda:: Set pre-series based on a Tumblr prompt from i-am-the-snowqueen for Philinda Secret Summer, quite a bit of angst and introspection going on in this fic. The title speaks for itself and when I say the end is the beginning...well it's best to read it for yourself and enjoy!


Philinda Secret Summer Tumblr event - Prompt supplied by i-am-the-snowqueen: finalizing SHIELD ordered divorce

Finalizing SHIELD ordered divorce – Nice Prompt! Now for the fun!

~June 2005~

May sat on a couch in her apartment, legs tucked beside her and her arm resting on the end of the couch, staring at a S.H.I.E.L.D folder, it's contents spread haphazardly across a small coffee table in the centre of her living room. Anyone looking at her would say her face was devoid of emotion but underneath her poker-faced exterior, her emotional walls were caving in around her.

A month ago her life was great, well as great as being an Agent of SHIELD could be, when you don't include the violence, secrecy, bureaucracy, etc of her job role. Becoming an Agent means you must relinquish certain freedoms in your life, that non-Agents take for granted, which until recently wasn't really an issue for Melinda May. That was until she mistakenly thought that she could get around one of the most contentious and broken of all SHIELD rules:

SHIELD Relations:

**2.1 No interSHIELD relationships are permitted**  
Sexual relationships between SHIELD Agents is not permitted under any circumstances. Should evidence be obtained of the below signed Agent contravening this regulation both parties are to cease such contact immediately. Both parties may be placed on appropriate suspension pending investigations.

Now there was nothing to say what SHIELD would actually do to make an Agent 'cease' contact, but it's now clear in black and white and sitting on her coffee table.

The folder contained divorce documents: her divorce documents and ones she did not want to sign. She's currently, and was quite happily, married to Phil Coulson, the man she's known for over 15 years since their rookie days at SHIELD Operations Academy. They both thought they'd got around the ruling by accepting his marriage proposal a few months ago, because surely SHIELD couldn't interfere in a legal institution such as marriage? Phil had asked her to marry him on her birthday last November.

~20th November 2004~

In the early hours of that morning, they had managed to contain a threat whilst deep undercover on a mission in Hawaii. Their alias' involved them being an 'in love' couple, which hadn't been the hardest of acts for them and they decided to keep it up until they left. Phil arranged for 'Big SHIELD' to uplift and dispose of this threat while they asked to stay an extra night for a little downtime. Philip Coulson and Melinda May sat in a rustic beach-side restaurant. But what May _hadn't_ expected on that night was what Phil planned after desert.

Melinda savoured her last spoonful of desert as she watched Phil watching her. She thought maybe the day-dreamy look on his face was because of her actions with the spoon slowly leaving her mouth, she was teasing him and she loved to do it in public, she found it really drove him wild by the time they got to the bedroom. She placed her spoon down and Phil placed his hands over hers, she smiled at him as he picked up her hand and kissed it softly. All she could think about was how completely in love with this man she was right now and everyday the feelings just seemed to grow stronger.

Melinda snapped out of her reverie when Phil manoeuvred out of his chair to kneel beside her and her hand still placed in his. "May," Appropriately enough, Melinda's surname was listed as her first name on this mission. Phil paused to take a steadying breath before continuing, "You are everything to me, I love you so much and I can't imagine not having you by my side," May exhaled a breath she was unaware that she was holding, and her free hand covered her mouth. She could clearly see where this was going, "and I don't want to imagine a future that doesn't include you. So May, would you grant me the greatest honour in becoming my wife?"

Phil fished around in his trouser pockets, pulled out a black velvet box, opening it as he presented it to her. It was a beautiful diamond ring set in platinum, catching and reflecting the dim lights of the candles in the restaurant. She grabbed Phil's hand tightly and pulled him to his feet then hugged him quickly, "Of course I'll be your wife." She buried her face in his neck as she wrapped her arms around his middle, she would be marrying the only man she loved and she couldn't be happier. Phil pulled himself away slightly to look at her and slide the ring on her finger. Phil cupped her cheek with one hand as he pulled her closer with the other and kissed her with as much love and devotion as he could in one single action. It was only after their lungs screamed for air that they parted and realised the excitement they caused in the room as couples smiled, clapped, cheered and congratulated the newly engaged couple.

Their designated Waiter approached with a magnum of Champagne, a gift from the management of the restaurant after watching their display.

"Thank you," Phil said as he took the bottle in one hand and keeping Melinda in the other, "do you mind if we take this with us?" The arm holding the bottle motioned to outside the restaurant.

"Sure, that's not a problem." The Waiter smiled at the happy couple. "And Congratulations."

"Thanks again!" Phil left more than enough cash on their table to pay for their meal with a healthy tip and turned to leave, holding Melinda close to him.

It was one of the best birthdays of her life; they got their job done in the morning, it was her birthday and by the evening she was engaged to her best friend, whom she loved like no other.

They were married weeks later, just a few days before Christmas, whilst on a mission in Europe, though for the interests of secrecy and keeping low on SHIELD's radar and rumour mill, they'd married in a tiny church deep in the Spanish countryside. No friends or family attended for their happy day, only local witnesses, the priest and themselves. Granted they didn't have a big fancy ceremony with a grand white dress, wedding car, horses or cake. All she needed and cared about was the man by her side, offering his future to her.

~June 2005~

Melinda sighed sadly as she leafed through the papers again to see the area that Philip Coulson had signed. It broke her heart to think he could sign this form, which would dissolve their fledgling marriage before it had a chance to fly.

Before she had the chance to mull her thoughts over anymore, her phone rang. It had been ringing a lot lately since she was placed on garden leave last week, but she hadn't bothered to pick the handset up because she knew it would be her superiors at SHIELD. She lived in a SHIELD apartment; the only people who were privy to her telephone number were SHIELD, her mother and Phil.

The phone rang out then starting ringing again, sounding more insistent than it did the last time it rang, seemingly demanding to be answered.

"That's it, I've had enough!" Melinda growled as she stood up from her couch and walked over to the other side of her living room to pick up the cordless phone handset.

"Look, I don't give a fuck what you do to me, I'm not signing those stupid fucking papers." Melinda shocked herself at how she didn't shout those words out, she wanted to, but it came out in a cold growl, which she hadn't anticipated.

"Melinda," It was Phil!

"Phil!" May gasped worriedly, "Are you OK?" she asked as she walked back over to the small coffee table but sat on the floor instead.

"Mel, I'm fine, sweetie -"

"Then why did you sign those fucking divorce papers? How could you do that to us?" She swallowed the lump in her throat that was threatening to cut her words off mid-sentence.

Melinda could barely hear Phil whisper down the phone, "They told me, in no uncertain terms, that they would send you on a suicide mission, Mel." She could hear Phil sniffing as if he's fighting tears. "SHIELD thinks that an interSHIELD relationship or marriage will compromise their intelligence structure and they don't trust us enough to compartmentalise their secrets." Phil paused to take a breath, sighed loudly and continued, "You and I know that we can compartmentalise information, even within our marriage, but SHIELD thinks we'll talk about secrets over the dinner table or in bed."

"Phil, their idiots and I can take care of myself, if they want to send me on a damn suicide mission, then I'll do it if it means staying married to you." May wiped a tear from her eye, no one but her mother had seen her cry yet and she aimed to keep it that way. "Don't you think I can take care of myself?" She was worried at this stage that he would doubt her abilities or doubt her love for him.

"Are you kidding Mel, you are the strongest, fastest, most amazing person I know and I know!" Phil wasn't lying; he was in awe of his wife.

There was a pause for a few moments, "When are you coming home?" May asked in a whisper, "I miss you."

"SHIELD won't sanction my return to our apartment, I have to stay on site at The Hub. Mel, they're serious! They won't let me see you. They're probably scared that I'd get SHIELD's best Agent pregnant," Phil laughed lightly to himself. May could practically hear his thoughts as he was imagining their future, if it were _allowed_ to happen, on the other end of the phone.

May scoffed to cut his reverie short, "More like they didn't want their 'Director-in-waiting' tied down to such a civilian life. How would you dedicate yourself to SHIELD when family is more important?" She asked rhetorically. Melinda always joked to Phil that Fury had been grooming Phil to be a Director someday, even though he was only a Level 6. She saw Coulson's potential as much as Fury did. Now it seemed Fury was gaining the upper hand in sourcing his successor.

"Listen Melinda," Phil said urgently, "I called to let you know that I managed to talk the higher-ups into taking you off garden leave and to get you on a mission with me before the deadline given to sign the papers expires."

"Go on," Melinda inquired.

"I need your help freeing some Agents held hostage by a possible gifted and his followers and there's no one who is as capable or I'd trust more to help get them out, than you. If you're on board we can pick you up and then fly out within the hour."

"I'm in. Where are we headed?" The 'Agent' in May coming to the fore, whilst the 'wife' May took a back seat.

"Manama, Bahrain." May could hear Phil's mood pick up a bit from those two words, knowing that however short, they'll be spending time together before they'd be ordered to divorce.

~July 2005~

May quick marched down the corridors of The Hub, each corridor as bland and nondescript as the last. Her face stern and determined and tucked under her right arm was a plain manila folder.

She approached a door at the end of another plain corridor, opened the door without a knock, salutation or any other form of consideration and walked straight into Director Nicholas Fury's (Hub) office. Nick Fury had his back turned to the intrusive Level 5 Agent as she approached his desk and dropped the file down on his desk.

Fury didn't need to turn around and look at the intruder with his one good eye to know it was Melinda May standing behind him. "It appears that you see reason, Agent May."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Fury. I did it for Phil."

"You forget yourself, Agent and you forget you're addressing your superior!" Fury shouted, his voice booming off the walls as he spun on his heel to face her.

May took a deep breath, straightened her back and squared her shoulders. Fury was right, no matter how upset she was right now; he was indeed her Superior and demands her respect. "I apologise, sir."

"That's better." Fury said. He walked around his desk slowly to approach her and the file. He opened it, looking through the papers and noting two signatures, Phil and Melinda's respectively.

Fury's curiosity piqued, "What made you change your mind, in the end?" he knew how close they were and smart money would have been placed on at least one of them not signing the divorce documents. He didn't want to break them up, Phil and Melinda were a great team, one to be reckoned with, but rules are rules and must be observed.

"Phil deserves better, someone better than me." Melinda said sadly, as if she had pondered for weeks and came to the startling conclusion that she wasn't good enough for him. "Since my last mission, I've become compromised; broken." She took a deep breath that still caught in her throat, "Someone who hasn't seen the horrors that I have, fights the demons that I do or can go to sleep without crying or taking sedatives first."

Fury took his eye of the paperwork to look at her properly. She was a pathetic sight and very unlike the Agent Melinda May he knew, she was now being referred to as 'The Cavalry' by a lot of the Agents within SHIELD for her bravery and heroics displayed in Bahrain. He'd heard about the horrors she saw in Bahrain last month and it's taken its toll on her emotionally and psychologically, that much was abundantly clear. Fury felt an extra letter in the file behind the divorce documents; he took it out and read it carefully.

"Damn it May, No." Fury scrunched up the piece of paper and faced her again. Her expression had changed again to blank, cold and resolute. "I am not authorising this."

"Sir, I already told you. I'm compromised! It's best that I resign. There are plenty of other Agents who are faster, stronger and younger than I am." She took a breath, looked down and continued, "I have no place here at SHIELD, I am no longer the woman I once was and I'm no longer beside Phil. I have no reason to stay."

Fury couldn't believe what he was hearing, he couldn't believe the woman in front if him was Melinda May and he couldn't believe the look of defeat on her face. He knew that the downward spiral May was taking wasn't due to the SHIELD divorce ruling alone, but a culmination of events building up to a perfect storm of a sad display standing in front of his desk right now. Though he still blamed himself for adding to May's issues. If she was still married, she would have Phil to support her instead of being all on her own. She had always been socially awkward, but with Phil her awkwardness wasn't an issue and he knew how to get her out of herself. Again, Phil proving himself to be a good, sympathetic and strong leader when the time comes to hand over the SHEILD reigns.

"Look May, I'm not going to authorise this. At least not yet, you're not in the right frame of mind to make such a drastic decision." Fury stepped in front of May. He bent his head over to the side slightly to get a better look at her face, while she did her best to try and hide it. "I want you to have some cognitive behavioural therapy and if you still want to leave after 6 months, I will sign your resignation form. Now, you won't need to go in the Field again if it will reopen wounds. You can stay on site here, in Administration."

May looked up at Fury to see if he was kidding and of course he was stony faced and awaiting her answer. "Thank you, sir."

"Good." Fury was relieved. He didn't want to loose Melinda May. No matter what she thought of herself, she was and will always be an amazing Agent.

Six months passed and Fury didn't receive another resignation letter from May. Years had gone by and she stayed in Administration even after the news of Phil Coulson's death and later resurrection reached her ears. That was until the autumn night in 2013 when Phil approached her in the office, to join him in the Field. After Fury discussed his plans for Coulson with May she had expected Phil to ask her to join him. She still doubted herself but again, Phil encouraged her out of her shell and asked her to return to where she belonged: by his side.

~Fin~


End file.
